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La bataille des croisés!

Posted on April 12, 2016 at 2:48 PM
Ma première réaction a été le déni: "ce n'est pas possible, pas moi!" Certes, je suis tombée en ski,à l'arrêt! Ok, une chute débile. En même temps, pas facile de faire une chute intelligente!! En me relevant, je me suis dit "j'ai sans doute une entorse au genou." Bon, ok, cela arrive aux meilleurs...skieurs! 

la douche froide est intervenue dans le cabinet médical de la station, face au médecin stoïque qui annonce le diagnostic comme une sentence: "ce sont les croisés, madame!" Comment cela les croisés! Les ligaments croisés?? Non, pas moi, pas mes ligaments! Je skie trop bien et j'ai plutôt une bonne forme physique! 
Cela n'empêche pas de faire une rupture des ligaments croisés, madame! Le corps médical a parlé ainsi que mon corps à moi! 

Comme le dit Sigmund Freud"Tout symptôme n'est-il pas une façon de dire, en même temps que de cacher quelque chose à quelqu'un?" 
C'est ma collègue qui a incarné cette citation en m'assénant cette terrible lucidité: "manifestement, il faut que tu lève le pied!" Car, qui dit les croisés, dit 6 semaines de repos forcé!

Je ne suis pas une grande sportive pour autant, cette activité rythme mes WE. L'imposition du repos sonne comme une injonction de mon corps! Au delà de ce repos forcé, il y a aussi le ralentissement des mouvements, des déplacements. 
Ce ralentissement est comme un révélateur de la vitesse qui animait ma vie. 
Accepter d'être ralentie par mon corps, par mon genou me renvoie également au mouvement de génuflexion! Sans doute ai-je dû trop plié ces derniers mois? Sans doute ai-je dû tordre mon comportement aux limites de la rupture?

Car justement, la dernière question est la question de la rupture ou non du ligament!  Et là, les avis divergent entre médecins et kiné! Seul l'ultime examen tranchera la question! Ce qui m'interpelle c'est ce mot rupture. Ce mot que j'ai entendu depuis de longs mois dans mon environnement professionnel, ce mot que j'ai combattu car je ne crois pas aux ruptures, ce mot si insidieux qu'il s'est infiltré dans mon corps pour aller provoquer la potentielle rupture d'un ligament!

Je ne veux pas tout psychologiser, pour autant il me semble avoir agi mon émotion. D'autant qu' à cela s'ajoute une rupture professionnelle car je quitte mon entreprise actuelle. 
Bref, la bataille des croisés ne fait que commencer! Et qui dit bataille, dit courage. Un autre mot qui a été martelé par mes patrons. Un mot usé jusqu'à la corde, un mot prononcé jusqu'à l’écœurement.

Pour autant, la définition que je vous propose du courage me parle et me semble plus que jamais d'actualité: "le courage, c'est de n'avoir pas peur de sa peur!" Le courage, c'est d'y aller malgré la peur! Ce courage là fait des jaloux. Nombreux sont ceux qui vont essayer de nous dissuader. Pour autant, ce courage là ouvre le monde, reconfigure le réel!
Qu'importe le résultat, qu'importe l'issue, c'est bien l'aventure, l'enthousiasmant chemin qui va nourrir ce courage là!

Ma bataille des croisés répond en écho à ma nouvelle aventure professionnelle. Bien sûr que je pourrai échouer! Mais pour moi, le véritable échec est de ne jamais risquer l'échec!



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